Cyanotok Rayshore

Cyanotok Rayshore

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Cyanotok Rayshore

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Feel Good	[Jul. 9th, 2004\|07:06 am]
Tabatha Protocol with three full sprints: Complete 3 sets of 30 swings: Complete 10 reps on that damned painful ab wheel: Partial, but Complete Getting back in the groove... time to go shower. I'm icky.
link	2 have shown me their light\|illuminate me with your thoughts

So far out of shape

[Jul. 3rd, 2004|04:10 pm]

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determined

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I am so far out of shape, it's not even funny. I haven't really excercised, at all, in the past six weeks, and damn does it show.

Here's what I tried to do today versus what I actually did:

Wanted: Tabatha Protocol Sprint Workout
Jog four minutes, run two sprints, each 20 seconds apiece, jog four minutes
Did before my body gave out on me: Jog four minutes, do one sprint, jog one minute, collapse...

Wanted: 25 Hindu pushups (kind of like divebombers, with a slight twist. Good full-body workout)
Did: 10...

Wanted: 60 second handstand (I'm trying to work up to a handstand pushup, but I need to get up to a 5 minute handstand first)
Did: 15 seconds...

Wanted: 30 good-form pushups
Did: 10...

Wanted: 50 Hindu squats
Did: 10...

Wanted: 5 good-form thumbless pullups
Did: 1 (barely)...

Wanted: 25 kettlebell cleans, 3 perfect pistols,
Did: Didn't even try...

This is what we like to call a Wake-Up Call. The fun work starts Monday.

illuminate me with your thoughts

I could write a book	[Jul. 1st, 2004\|10:48 pm]
A How-To book, and then sell it for money. It's been done before... let's see what dreams may come.
link	illuminate me with your thoughts

Yet a third update	[Jul. 1st, 2004\|07:02 pm]
My writing as of late has been nonexistent. For whatever reason, I don't or can't or won't write anymore. And no, I'm not talking about random Journals or e-mails. I mean the poetry and the prose. As far as a poem, nothing comes to mind. Nothing at all. And "Guardian of the Nexus"? I have no idea when I'll get started on that one again. Who knows if I'll ever finish. Just had to get that out there.
link	illuminate me with your thoughts

Another Update	[Jul. 1st, 2004\|05:07 pm]
During my stay in Killeen, Brina told me her version of our entire relationship. I had no idea she hated me that much. Or how many other girls hated her guts because she dated me. Who knew? I'll be posting that when I write it. The truck sucks. I have three tires leaking, and one of them is the spare. I also still can't find the fuse that activates my front turn lights, and the fuse that controls my brake lights and my hazards is still out of commission. HannahJean e-mailed me for the first time in a long time with three words I thought I would never hear from her: I miss you. I don't know, I just... didn't think she did. Stranger things have been known to happen, like me joining the Navy (even I still can't get over that one).
link	1 comment\|illuminate me with your thoughts

Long time no... yeah...

[Jul. 1st, 2004|12:43 pm]

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I can't remember the last time I updated. I mean, I know I still have this "Journal" thingy, but wow has it been a while. So... update from the past two... months? (Has it really been that long? Yes. Yes it has.)

Let's start with the Whip Out. It's a Friday afternoon, the skies are blue, the birds are chirping, and 26 fish stand ready to get jumped in the backwoods of Hensel Park. Come on, fish. Trust us... Blood is boiling and hearts are pounding as we all pull into the driveway; everyone is steeled for a battle or a hazing or a... what? That's the worst part, not knowing what. So the sophomores lead us into the park itself, and we toss a football and a frisbee back and forth Act like you're having fun. Now. We all get sacks over our heads and are lead, single-file Nazi style, into the deepest parts of the forest that consumes Hensel Park. 07 of us FDT guys remember this part of the woods very well. Fuck you, Kapavick! *kick* You wan' sum dis bitch? *punch punch, punch Slam* That's right. As we're deeper and deeper down, to the places no one can hear us scream, images start pouring through all of our heads. 20 of them, 26 of us. We can take 'em. Can't we? I'm not thinking about any of this, I'm just worried about breathing through my damned laundry sack. Down hills and across streams we are led, and we hear the sounds of sticks hitting the trees beside us and the ground below us. Big sticks. Finally, we reach the end of our silent journey, and turn around, facing the same direction. As the fateful words of all hazed Ags below us are bellowed from those who have trained us all year long Grab what you wanna keep!, 52 hands reach down to protect themselves. My job is made that much easier since my balls have shrunk up into my stomach by this point. Then the countdown One! No one believes that they'll do it. Sure it's been done in the past, but Two! that's no reason for them to beat the hell out of us today. Then again... Three! Whip Out, fish! The tension immediately dissapates as we realize that we trusted them with our lives, and they led us not astray. Off came the sacks, out came the hands Howdy, fish Cimrhanzel is my name, sir!, and out came words all of us had screamed at the top of our lungs and with the apex of our intensity, I'm from Houston, Texas taking General Studies and National Champion Fish Drill Team 2007, sir! soaring out of us like vomit from a drunkard, in effect cleansing us of our fish year. Glad to meet you, Mr. Pisshead, sir! We were freshman no more. At least not to our sophomores.

That night I went out and partied with Tera and some of her friends, ending up in her arms and her bed, and giving her the yet another orgasm, still one of the first of her entire life the next morning. I've become very skilled with my hands over the past year.

Then comes Rivertrip. Squadron Sixteen's River Trip was awesome. I brought Tera along for a night of dancing and volleyball and poker (No, not the strip kind. I was dissapointed, too). The whole Outfit got together (along with dates) and ran amock down the Guadalupe River. Mind you, it rained almost the entire time, but it was still fun. Inner tubing in ice cold water while rain pours down like a light lawn sprinkler, while ever-present lays the chance that a lightning strike could kill you and everyone around you. Life is good.

Final Review made life even better. This was where everyone officially got promoted, and where everyone got to stand outside in the heat for hours on end. Again. It wasn't so bad, though. I just remembered the same three words that got me through my entire fish year Nothing Lasts Forever, and those words proved true yet again. Afterwards, just before I left, I gave Tera one last orgasm to remember me by.

My stay with Brandon came immediately after. I stayed with my best friend / little brother for the next two weeks. I was offline and away from my computer the entire time, so he and Brina were pretty much the only friends I kept in contact with. Brina and I were about to break things between us off entirely, but something kept us both together. I want to call it love, but how do you love someone that you hurt again and again and again. I don't know why she still puts up with me, but I know that she wants to, no matter how hard I try to push her away. Four hours, and then a few days later, twelve hours in a hotel room alone solidified the lust and ecstacy that courses through the both of us for the other. I didn't even think people could go at it for twelve hours at a time. You learn something new everyday. Got back to Houston after wasting time there, and was greeted with... well... yeah it sucked.

Apparently, I overdrew my account while I was in Killeen. Not once, not twice, but four times, leaving me over $130 in debt to the bank. I also had an overdue parking ticket from A&M, and got called about a hit-and-run that I committed against another vehicle on May 10th of 2004. Fuck me in the gonads, as Andrew Hietpas would say. Dad balied me out of both the ticket and the overdraft, and the police had no evidence that I actually committed a hit-and-run except for one guy's eyewitness account, so they couldn't even charge me. Fun.

I then went back to Killeen with the intent on working for a few days and then coming back down to Houston to work a fireworks stand, making a trip to College Station while I was at it. My plans never turn out as they should, but oh well. I ALMOST won $2,000 (My ticket was off by one number. Doesn't that suck?) while working the Juneteenth Festival up there. That damned thing ran Brina ragged. I got to see The Chronicles of Riddick with Brandon, Happy birthday, bro, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban with Brina (whoever plays Hermione is H-O-T hot... and still jailbait), Shrek 2 with Brandon, Brina, and Katie, and last-but-not-least Hi, my name's Eric. I'll have your cliches for the day Spider-Man 2 with the same party at 0001 the morning of June 30th, essentially the very first showing of the flick. And yes, "M.J." still reminds me of Krystal.

During this last stay, I also did something I thought that I would never be able to do. I got into the military. No, it's not the service that I wanted, and if/once I go in, I'll be doing something I never thought I would be, but hey, money for college is money for college, even if you wear all white to work every single day (khaki if I go the officer route). I made it through MEPS (Military Entry Processing Station) for the U.S. Navy, maxed out the ASVAB (again), and have NO medical disqualifications. The Air Force and the Army can kiss my ass. I'm tired of dealing with them. They don't need me, and now I don't need them. Their loss. I now have five options for my future, and all of them have me winding up with AT LEAST one Bachelor's degree, possibly two of those or maybe even a Master's in whatever I want to:

1. I stay in the Corps for my entire sophomore year, using finacial aid and loans to keep me in school, then I enlist with an $8,000-12,000 sign on bonus with the Navy, and ship off on June 20, 2005 to Chicago for the next couple of years, learning everything there is to know about Advanced Computer/Electronic Functions, and upon graduation from "A" school will serve active duty almost anywhere in the world. The good news? I can't go to Iraq! It's also in my contract that I will NEVER be on a submarine. Six months out to sea with only men to keep you company in a boat that is DESIGNED to sink?! Yeah, screw that. Any college classes I take while on active duty are completely paid for by the Navy; the only thing I have to pay for is textbooks. After my stint is up with the Boys In White, I'll use the Montgomery G.I. Bill to go back to Texas A&M, graduating as a non-reg.

2. Same as Option 1, except that I'm a non-reg for a year, instead of remaining in the Corps. Not bloody likely.

3. I apply and do NOT receive a Naval ROTC scholarship or a contract for the next few years, use loans to get me through the next three or four years of school, make it through the Corps, and then enlist after I already have my degree, using the Navy's Loan Repayment Program (up to $65,000 they'll pay back while I'm on active-duty). Once I'm done with Active duty, I'll use that funfunfun G.I. bill to go get another Bachelor's or a Master's. Who knows.

4. I apply and do NOT receive an NROTC scholarship, but I do receive a commissioning contract. Meaning, they don't have to pay me as much while I'm in school, but they still guarantee me a commission upon graduation. Yay.

5. I apply and do recieve a two or three year Naval ROTC scholarship, putting me through school and guaranteeing me a commission as an Ensign upon graduation from Texas A&M. I would leave the Corps with a plethora of money under my belt, be debt-free, and have a sure-fire job for the next four years. This, obviously, is the best option. We shall see what dreams may come.

By the by, I know almost every homosexual Navy joke there is. Being first in an Army, and now an Air Force ROTC, I used to tell them. Yes, the enlisted uniforms (seaman!) are ugly as anything, and the officer's aren't much better (though I'm pretty used to khaki by now). And yes, I have heard "In The Navy" by the Village People, and I can't get that damned song out of my head. So any humor directed towards my decision has probably already been told (by me. Who can you laugh at if not yourself?) and will not be funny. I found a way to pay for college, get some denero and provide a solid foundation for my future while I'm at it.

So that's it, two months in one entry! Hope you enjoyed, folks. See you next time.

4 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

An Aggie has fallen...

[May. 5th, 2004|12:49 pm]

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When you get the chance to, say a little prayer for Cort Tullier '05. He was the Guidon Bearer for Squadron 12 when their class was sophomores. He was struck by a car last night; he met God for the rest of eternity this morning.

This hits a little close to home. Squadron 16, my Outfit for those who don't know, lives just under them in the Corps dorms.

Find somebody you love today, even if you don't like 'em right at the moment, and give them an extra hug. You never know when they will be gone forever.

Thanks and Gig 'Em.

1 comment|illuminate me with your thoughts

[May. 2nd, 2004|06:00 pm]

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I just won a lava lamp. Go me.

illuminate me with your thoughts

March to the Brazos

[May. 2nd, 2004|12:56 pm]

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Yeah, MTTB this year was... well, wet. Wet and cold and windy and fun as all hell. Marching for four hours in that weather sucked, but the BBQ was pretty good, and even though we didn't really get to wrestle our sophomores, I still got to tackle two of my sophomores. My entire class got their rank yesterday, and their positions for next year. I got stuck with Operations and Information Management. Meaning: I'm doing almost nothing that directly deals with the fish, but I should still be in training. I'll definitely be a "satellite sophomore", since our class is so big, and I'm not an ASL. Glasscock, Adam, and Klare were the three obvious choices for head trainers, with Pawlik and Koehler rounding out the quintet. We're all 'heads now, until Final Review when we become fish again for about an hour.

Okay, about positions and passdowns, it's a really small world. I mean, really small. At the beginning of the semester, I met this girl named Tera, who I've become really good friends with all semester. At the same time, she started becoming great friends with this girl Jennifer, who happened to be dating one of my sophomores, Cody Nicholson. So when it comes time to pass down rank and traditions and "fathers and sons" of the Corps, guess who ends up being my "dad"? You guessed it folks, none other than Cody. Tripped me the fuck out, I tell you what. When I told Tera, she about fell out of her chair in laughter. My grandpa and great-grandpa (who's a Dead Zip now) turned out to be Omar Pastrana, who I've been talking with most of the year about a lot of things, and Geoff Comley, who has been my white-belt mentor all year long.

So yeah, from those three I got the passdown of Crapout Head, given to the fish with the biggest attitude coming into the Corps. So basically, I push whenever something goes wrong. Next year's going to be a lot of fun.

Later on that night (last night), I went out with Tera since I wanted to go out drinking and dancing, and everyone in my class either A) wasn't going out B) didn't drink and didn't know anybody who could get me anything or C) didn't want to go out with me. So yeah, I went to Northgate with Tera. We met three of her friends there, and they were already completely smashed. She started drinking, and handed me her keys. That lasted for about an hour or two, and eventually, we switched drinks and keys. She didn't have that much anyways. I just lost count. Mike started handing me beers, and I started downing 'em. Between the smell and the sounds of the Dixie Chicken, I just revelled in the buzz and all that had transpired in the past year, from graduating to living with Sabrina to going off to college to fish year.

Then we went back to her place, as usual, and I tapped out (didn't really pass out) in a nice, cozy bed like I had been wanting to all day. All I remember is warmth and closeness. No sex, as usual, but I've gotten used to that by now, so it doesn't really cross my mind anymore. Just safety and warmth. It's a good feeling.

What was weird was when she woke me up at about 0900 and told me to go look in her closet. For some reason, I'm really receptive to orders in the morning... so yeah, I went to the closet and looked on the left side... and then I looked down, just like she said. And then she yelled at me for pissing in her closet! Now, I went to sleep, mind you, and I sure as hell didn't go pissing in her closet. For one thing, I would have seen it, and two, we both would have smelled it, but according to her, it was "the most vivid dream" of me getting up, pissing in her closet, stumbling over to the window, her bitching at me, and then stumbling again into the bathroom. Weird... Funny as hell, though. She's not living that one down for a while. Ah, the fun never ends.

My hangover's completely gone. Whoop!

Now it's time for: Chemistry!!! Sucks.

3 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

Wow, I haven't updated in forever

[Apr. 28th, 2004|06:07 pm]

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So... yeah. Where do I begin?

Squadron Sixteen is the best Outfit in the Corps. We made Corps history by winning first place in four of the five major awards that the Corps hands out each year. If we had kept three more fish buddies, we would have won them all.

FDT '07 is now a thing of the past. We performed on Parent's Weekend right before the USMC Silent Drill Team. Honestly, their drill is less flawed than ours (not flawless, however), but we put on one hell of a better show. And the audience knew it. No one whooped for their Ripple Line. :)

The Association of Former Fish Drill Team Members (AFFDT) is now alive and well. FDT '07 is going to be an integral part in reviving that long-lost organization, and I plan to be right in the thick of it. We'll order our new shirts and hats soon. Whoop!

Tera and I are doing... well, we're doing. We're in that blissful non-exclusive dating zone. She can date whoever she wants to, but I usually wind up protecting her from the other guys who want her, whom she despises because they're all nerdy wussbags and who kiss up to her all the time. Needless to say, that's just not my style with girls, or with anyone, so she and I get along great.

Sandra's clean, thankfully. No more on that.

I haven't talked or written to Jenna in WAY too long.

I would call Krystal, just for the hell of it, if I wasn't studying so much. I reallyReallyREALLY hope she can live in Houston over the summer. That. Would be awesome.

We aired out the juniors this morning to whip out to them. I busted down Reichel and Applegate's door, and realized about five minutes later that, yes, we had been double-crossed. We were rolling around in Spence Park, and on our faces underwater, and running up and down bleachers for a bit, but it was all in good fun.

We also has "fish skeet". Basically, there are two columns of fish facing one another. At the signal of "Pull!", they each rush towards each other and to the other column, while avoiding getting pegged with fast-flying tennis balls. After that "fun" game, we did Falcon 16 dizzibats, and tackled the juniors while whipping out to them.

It was a good morning.

And then I saw Tera again! I gave her back her thermometer (calling it a Happy Unbirthday present), and then we walked around the campus a bit, before she drove me back to the dorm, where I've been studying and writing ever since.

Letter to Sabrina:

"My life is so far from boring... I can't describe it.

I've made a decision about the Corps, and it has come after a LOT of thinking and talking and arguing with... well, myself. There are a lot of things I dislike about the Corps: Formation, waking up at 0530 every morning, bagging through class because I'm so tired most of the time, having to always be in uniform in the MSC.

But... at the same time, I realize that there are many things that I love. The opportunity to change the lives of the next three classes below me. Being forced to stay in shape and make good grades so that I don't get lazy. The Association of Former Fish Drill Team Members. Most of all, my buddies. The friends that I have made here, from Falcons to Drill Dicks and the non-regs I know, these are my brothers and sisters. These are the people whom I care about, and who care about me. I have over 100 new people in my life who would willingly give theirs to help me out.

It's mostly FDT. If I hadn't have joined that, I most likely would not have made the decision to stay in. The other big-time influence has been my Outfit. In many respects, we don't have nearly as much fun as many of the other Outfits in the Corps. However, we are the best of the best. This year, Squadron Sixteen became the most decorated Outfit in Corps history. That's pretty tough to beat. I'm talking over 125 years of history, and we shattered every record in the book at Parent's Weekend.

It's going to be a long, tough road ahead of me, and honestly, next year is going to suck (not as bad as this year, but it's still going to suck), but at the same time, it's almost my duty now to train '08, '09, and '10. I wanted to teach; I wanted to train; I wanted others to learn what I have learned. There's no better place in the world to do it than right here.

At times, I am one of the worst fish here, in Squadron Sixteen. But being one of the worst, in a group of the best of the best, well, that's really not so bad at all.

There will be a lot that I will miss out on as a Corps member, as oppossed to a regular college student, but at the same time... the Corps is dying here. FDT almost went away forever. We ('04-'07) brought the latter back. Now we have to fight to get back the first. I may not always like the Corps, or some of the people in it, but it's been for over a century and a half, and I will be damned to see it die.

We'll talk more about this when I come visit, if you want to.

-Eric

"Some little thing said long ago at Aggieland may tip the scales of judgment on a far away field of honor and change the tide of battle for many young hearts and souls." - Joe Fenton '58

"Give me an army of West Point graduates, and I'll win a battle. Give me a handful of Texas Aggies, and I'll win a war." - General George S. Patton '09 (that's West Point 1909)

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13"

Time to go study.

2 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

Yeah... right

[Apr. 28th, 2004|05:30 pm]

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There is no hazing in the Corps
There is no hazing in the Corps
There is no hazing in the Corps
There is no hazing in the Corps
There is no hazing in the Corps
There is no hazing in the Corps
There is no hazing in the Corps!!!

So why the hell was a man just shaved from head to toe, by 22 of his closest buddies?

Good bull, of course.

3 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

HELL YEAH! HELL FREAKIN' YEAH!!!

[Apr. 28th, 2004|12:00 pm]

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What's up National Champs? Lefty (Derek for those who aren't quite as high-speed)is here with a little news from the Association of Former Fish Drill Team for ya. The most important goal here is to run the Association so we can get the recognition that the Old Army Teams had when AFFDT was its own special unit. Next year is going to be pretty Red Ass, so put out for this stuff and let's go "Nuckin Futs." So here it goes:

1) The AFFDT will run as a unit on at least one Corps Run next year. WHOOP for that shiznit. If there is a good turn out for the first run, more will come.

2) There will be AT LEAST two BBQs next year. One at towards the beginning of the year, and another one right before the Tulane Drill Meet when FDT '08 beats the hell outta all competition there. These BBQs will be much bigger than the AFFDT BBQ that we had this year.

3) We will holding different fundraisers throughout the year for various reasons; supporting the team at Tulane, purchasing awards, and funding for the Association in general. The biggest fundraiser we are going to hold is selling paintings of FDT by famous artist Benjamin Knox. If you don't know the work this man does you really should check out his website. He does some really amazing work. He has completed an FDT '05 platoon picture and has started work on an FDT '06 platoon picture. Naturally, an FDT '07 picture will follow. The details in the FDT '05 picture are so amazing you can pick people out by their faces.

4) Now, the one that I am looking forward to the most, is at least one AFFDT formal and possibly another AFFDT semi-formal/Crush Party. Dead Hound LaFitte (AKA me) will be in charge of this one so you all know it's going to be red ass.

5) The fundraisers will also be to raise money to present the fish C.O. and the Senior Advisor with sabres.

6) AFFDT has taken over the Corps Color Guard, making us solely responsible for all events the Color Guard attends. There will be try-outs for the positions. Also, there will be more than one color guard team, so put out for this, it will be a great way to get the FDT name out there. There will be one white belt and three fish per color guard team.

7) Last, but most certainly not least, we are going to work on the first annual Texas A&M Invitational. I just found out that we had it lined up for this year, but when everyone saw the results from Tulane from your class, they all pulled out of the drill meet. (*my own two cents* Damn right!) So, next year it will be held before Tulane and help the fish get their feet wet. This is going to be a huge drill meet, and possibly the National Championship.

So there ya have it. Get motivated for AFFDT next year, it's going to be a lot of fun and we are going to have a whole lot of direct influence on the success of FDT '08.

For those of you who never gave me a notecard with your name and AIM account, which is everyone except for Josh Brown and Chris Taylor, come by in sweat gear, and bring a towel....only kidding. Just reply to this e-mail and send your AIM account to me. If you don't have AIM, download it, it's easy and free (my little AIM marketing). Feel free to ask me any questions about anything that you may have. Congratulations on an amazing year and thank you for all of your hard work and dedication. You guys definitely made this year the most memorable of my life. I will never forget any of you. Thanks. Good luck on finals and have an amazing summer. I'm out like a boner in sweatpants! Later.

Brothers may we stand united.

Derek "Lefty" LaFitte '06

2 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

Great news

[Apr. 23rd, 2004|12:21 am]

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Tera's officially an Aggie!!! WHOOP! She just got accepted to the University full-time, and she couldn't be happier, so after we worked on Chemistry, we went and "celebrated" for a bit by ourselves. Now she's out dancing somewhere while I try to get some sleep.

Krystal, you were right, she couldn't stop kissing me. Not even for a day. I laughed at her, but she laughed back, so it was funny for all around.

I register in about five hours. Yay. Bed time for Bonzo, and by Bonzo I mean me.

illuminate me with your thoughts

[Apr. 22nd, 2004|11:59 pm]

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I had my first Aggie Muster last night.

On April 21st each year, on the anniversary of the battle of San Jacinto, Aggies gather together, wherever they are, to commemerate fellow Aggies who have died during the year.

Ol' Ags, current Ags, esteemed Associates of the University, all are honored. We lost 139 Aggies and associates since the last April 21st. One from the class of '07.

If two Aggies are within 100 miles of each other, wherever they are in the world, they are expected to attempt to get together on April 21st, and reminesce about the good ol' days of Texas A&M.

It's worldwide. Muster was held in several hundred locations last night. With several thousand people in attendance. A&M alone had about 20,000 show up.

It's traditions like these, it's the family such as this, that keeps me here. I know that wherever I go, whatever I do, when I leave this Earth, my death, and my life, will be honored, if for no other reason than because I was an Ag.

I'm sure that the Longhorns have their pride, as do the Red Raiders, and even the military academies have their sense of family and loyalty. But nowhere, and I mean nowhere and no one, can match the connectedness and the awe-inspiring wonder of the Aggie Family. Corps, non-reg, Southside/Northside/Off-campus Ag, Democrat, Republican, black, white, asian, whatever. When you're here, it doesn't matter what you are or where you came from. All that matters is that you are here, and people want to give you the opportunity to live your dreams, however outrageous they may be.

This is the greatest place in the world to be.

But whether or not the Corps is the best place... that is still a question I have to look inside myself and answer.

2 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

[Apr. 21st, 2004|02:36 pm]

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For my mistake last night:

Steven Koehler <seal30swk@aol.com> wrote:
"Cimrhanzel

You are a complete RETARD, have some situational awareness!

-Koehler '07

"Stick bamboo shoots under the fingernails of '08." "

Eric <icuicme@yahoo.com> responded:

I say this to everyone, and I hold myself to this standard as well. If you have something to say to somebody, you say it to their face. Period. If it's
an honor violation issue, or something really serious like that, then send it out to everybody on the listserve so that we all know what's going on and confront that individual. If it's something that the upperclass has already addressed, and you still have a problem with it, then bring it up with that person one-on-one.

We're in college now. We're all adults. We all need to learn to face others instead of bashing each other with pointless e-mails. Yes, I fuck up probably more than anyone else in this Outfit, but if you have a
problem with me, you come to me and you say what you need to say to my face while looking me in the eyes.

If anyone has a response to this that they would like to share, you know where I live, and my schedule's on my door. Come by. If I'm not here, leave a notecard, and I'll find you.

-Cimrhanzel '07"

*UPDATE*

A message from his ol' lady, in his typical fish Bearden humor. Hell, I laughed:

"Don't stop with the emails. I think they're pretty funny. If someone does want to say something in private, make sure I'm there to watch.

CT"

illuminate me with your thoughts

Sleep

[Apr. 21st, 2004|10:10 am]

[

mood

|

tired

]

Need... sleep... failed History exam this morning... 3 hours here... an hour there... sleep...

illuminate me with your thoughts

[Apr. 20th, 2004|06:46 pm]

[

mood

|

crushed

]

No matter what happens, no matter how far I come, no matter how much I try to improve... I still keep fucking it up. The same as I've done all year. And if I stay here as a sophomore, and I continue to keep making these mistakes, I'll screw my entire class.

Even my ol' lady said it... I'm still the worst fish here.

5 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

Unbelievable

[Apr. 19th, 2004|03:33 pm]

[

mood

|

excited

]

I stand before the mirror, a number 1 up top, camo pants on the bottom, and my Fish Drill Team shirt, in all it's glory, right in between.

Today is going to be a good day.

Time to go get smoked for two and a half hours.

illuminate me with your thoughts

Just when I thought it would all go away...

[Apr. 15th, 2004|07:56 pm]

[

mood

|

sick

]

I didn't go to class today, and my body was "okay", for the most part. Now my temp's back to around 101... And I have practice tomorrow. It will be our last drill practice ever, and my body is telling me that I'm suppossed to miss it.

Fuck.

That.

I'm going out tomorrow, unless I'm a dead man.

illuminate me with your thoughts

Update

[Apr. 15th, 2004|09:14 am]

[

mood

|

crappy

]

I didn't sleep at all last night. I finally tapped out at around 0600, and then woke up at 0730. I'm not really tired or sleepy, though. Temp's down to its perfectly normal 98.6 now, though it was a full degree lower for a bit of last night.

Time to go eat. Class? Yeah, right. I do need to study, though.

illuminate me with your thoughts

Pain. Lots of pain.

[Apr. 14th, 2004|08:59 pm]

[

mood

|

sick

]

Yeah, remember that shitty feeling that I had yesterday afternoon? Well, turns out it was a viral infection! YAY! Not really. My temperature skyrocketed last night to about 100 degrees, and I thought it was about 100 this morning, so I went out to FDT. Why? We have a performance in less than five days, and I have never chopped out of a practice. I almost got through an entire routine, with horrible throws and limp-as-wet-noodles spins. Marin caught me and pulled me aside. When he asked what was wrong and I told him, he ordered me back to the dorm and back to the bag. I took my temp again when I got back; it had risen to 101.3.

Yeah... so I slept until 1100, got up to go to self-defense and told the prof that I wouldn't be staying. I met Tera for lunch at Sbisa, since that was right next to Beutal, and I barely ate a couple plates of fruit and yogurt. Lots of water and Powerade have run through my system, though. That echinacea and the Vitamin C she gave me (along with the thermometer) have all really helped me out.

I went to Beutal and slept, since Tera had class, and the doc thought it was strange that I had a fever, but no other signs of infection. After that, I called Tera, since she told me to, and she brought me back to her place so that I could sleep in peace while she went to class.

I've been sleeping ever since. But now she's making dinner, and it's about finished, so I'm off to eat! My temp's down to a high 99.X right now, and keeps fluctuating in that range. Hopefully, I'll get better soon.

illuminate me with your thoughts

One hell of a day

[Apr. 13th, 2004|07:39 pm]

[

mood

|

cold

]

So I was suppossed to have a bag-in for my Chemistry exam right? Wrong. We have practice every morning every day this week. This morning sucked. I wanted to die out there on that drill deck. Everything was hurting (and it's not a PT kind of soreness, either).

After practice, I was suppossed to get on red-card to study for that Chem exam. Well, I got onto red card, but I ended up sleeping almost the entire hour. Yeah, that was productive.

Then the actual exam time came. Whoop-de-fuckin'-do. I don't think I did too bad on it. Maybe around an 80 or so. It was definitely the best I've done on any of Dr. K's exams.

Tera and I had lab (like we do every Tuesday) right after that, and during the entire lab I felt like absolute shit. I mean, I was feeling pretty crappy (only physically) during the exam, but after? Yeah, that sucked. But by the end of lab a couple hours later I felt a little better. We went to go have lunch at the Commons where I got some Advil, some lunch, and a wonderful little Angelic surprise in my mailbox. So all of that combined made me feel even better.

THEN, I took an hour-and-a-half nap in Rudder Tower. Absolute bliss, let me tell you. I felt like a new man after that. Came back to the good ol' hole, got a "Smile and Feel Better Soon" Card from Tera, and prepared for FDT.

This afternoon rocked. Yeah, it was painful, like it is every single day. Yeah, we were still slightly off on a couple parts of the routine. And yes, I even dropped a double spin-up (which I have never ever done before). But it rocked. The team came out, we felt the routine, we got the ripple line down to 42 seconds (anything above 45 is now considered crap. Anything above 50 is absolute shit. The bar has definitely been raised), and my tosses weren't nearly as bad as this morning. I didn't realize how good they were until Ortiz looked at me and said "Perfect. They're perfect." after one routine, and after practice, Klare pulled me over when we're on the basketball courts, and while a bunch of other people are around, looked at me and said "Cimrhanzel, what the hell was with your cross-rank throws today?" I don't know why I apologized, but I did, partly because I hadn't looked at almost any of the throws after I tossed them. I asked Why and What Was Wrong With Them, and he laughs and says "Nothing, they were perfect. I mean, absolutely perfect. Geyer saw me, too. I just put my hand in the air where it's suppossed to go, and the rifle just went there everytime." My throws with Ortiz, which usually really suck (like they did this morning), were getting close to perfect. Maybe I just need to pray more during the routine. I don't know. So yeah, that's a cool feeling.

Today was our very last full afternoon practice. I'm damned glad we made it a good one. We get our cords in three days. Three days. Wow.

And now, I'm off to Breakaway.

illuminate me with your thoughts

Stolen from Krystal who stole it from Michelle

[Apr. 13th, 2004|07:30 pm]

[

mood

|

Plageristic

]

Because I can.

10 bands you've been listening to a lot lately:
1. Linkin Park (the greatest band in existence. Period.)
2. Evanescence
3. 3 Doors Down
4. Papa Roach
5. Limp Bizkit
6. Fragma (the coolest non-American group I've found lately)
7. Breakaway Ministries (more of a worship group than an actual band, but they have instruments and a singer, and they produce music, so they count)
8. Dream
9. Slipknot
10. 12 Stones

09 things you look forward to:
1. April 16th when we get our FDT cords. Whoop!
2. Getting fish year over and done with
3. Seeing Krystal again
4. My first Aggie Muster
5. Seeing Brina and Brandon and Tori again
6. Working and traveling and having fun during the summertime
07. Watching 8th and I perform just after FDT does this Saturday
8. March to the Brazos
9. Final Review

08 things you like to wear:
1. Nothing
2. Silk boxers
3. Bathrobe
4. Pajamas
5. Nothing but jeans and a leather belt
6. An A-shirt or a light T-shirt
7. My FDT '07 shirt
8. Midnights

07 things that annoy you:
1. Stupid people
2. Having to drill when you're sick and in lots of pain
3. Being sick and in lots of pain
4. Being so far away from so many wonderful people in my life (Brandon, Aidan, Liam, Krystal, etc)
5. Being late (either myself or other people)
6. Getting jacked with a rifle anywhere in the routine because you know that there's nothing at all you can do about it
7. Buddies who bitch, especially my ol' lady

06 things you say most days:
1. Rock steady (it's not a Corps thing, I swear)
2. Good deal
3. Whoop!
4. *while laughing* Doesn't that suck?
5. Oops
6. Happy Unbirthday!

05 things you do everyday:
1. Sleep
2. PT (except for Sundays)
3. Check my e-mail
4. Eat
5. Drink lots and lots of water

04 people you want to spend more time with:
1. Aidan
2. Brandon
3. Krystal
4. Sandra

03 movies you could watch over and over again:
1. Finding Nemo
2. The Princess Bride
3. Any and all lightsaber duels (yes, they're in lots of movies, but I just like those parts)

02 of your favorite songs at the moment:
1. Maybe It's You by Fragma
2. Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit

01 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
1. I have no idea. There are lots of people.

2 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

Strangest quote of my day

[Apr. 13th, 2004|07:42 am]

[

mood

|

tired

]

Zier: "Cimrhanzel, you have a great smile. Really you do. It's like you're hard, but at the same time, still handsome."

Uh... thanks... sir O_o

My entire body is sore right now, and it's not from PT, and I haven't been laid in... I don't know how long anymore. I wanted to write about everything that happened the week before Easter and Easter weekend, but I have no time. And I'm running out of energy.

Parent's Weekend performance is just five days away. God help us.

illuminate me with your thoughts

How very odd

[Apr. 8th, 2004|08:49 am]

[

mood

|

cheerful

]

Yesterday was FDT Hound Hunting and the Air Force Dinner. More on those later.

Mom changed her mind. She and the boys are coming up
for both banquets next weekend.

I had Story Time with Tera last night. Very good stuff.

illuminate me with your thoughts

Sabrina's take on the Awards Banquet

[Apr. 7th, 2004|02:55 pm]

[

mood

|

amused

]

"...take a nice sorority
girl, just make sure when you guys are having
wild crazy monkey sex you dont accidently scream out
my name instead of hers. I hear that that isnt
the best thing in the world to do."

If I haven't already sent you the e-mail, do this:

Try this very soon, before someone forces Google to fix its site:
1) Go to www.Google.com
2) Type in weapons of mass destruction (DON'T hit return)
3) Hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button, NOT the "Google search"
4) Read the "error message" carefully. The WHOLE page. Someone at Google really has a sense of humour. And will probably be fired soon.

13 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

Next weekend

[Apr. 6th, 2004|10:47 pm]

[

mood

|

complacent

]

Each year, there is one weekend at Texas A&M where every student on campus, no matter where they are from, has the opportunity to invite their parents and the rest of their family to campus. It's called (big surprise) Parent's Weekend. It's full of activities, and I mean full, from banquets to National Champion and Marine Corps drill team performances to comedy sketches to Breakaway to even a good ol' game of Fightin' Texas Aggie Football. Good stuff.

Everyone that i invited to come this weekend, every member of my family, whether they be close or extended, lives, at most, two hours away from me. I say two hours because of Houston traffic, but it's all in the same general Houston vicinity. Not one person is coming either Friday night or Saturday night to the Fish Drill Team or the Falcon 16 banquets, respectively. Not one person is coming to watch the performance Fish Drill Team won Nationals with. Not one person wants to just get out of town for even a couple of hours and come and see me.

Mom, my aunts, my grandmothers, Dad, my grandfathers (one of whom is an Aggie himself), and even a couple extra I invited just for the hell of it. Not one. Hmm...

Part of me is pissed. It's a two-hour drive, max. If they only wanted to show up for one day, that'd be just fine with me. Nope, everyone either has something to do, or they just plain don't want to come. Fine, I guess I can understand that. I haven't been there for anyone this past year, why should they want to come see me? Another part of me is saddened. I'll have no one of my blood to share the past year's successes (and failures) with. The rest of me (the biggest part) is apathetic to the whole thing. It's their lives, and they don't revolve around me. Who am I to ask them to give their time and their energy, when they've given me so much already? Let them do what they want to do. They came for graduation; they came for my Eagle; their obligations are done. Besides, I'm coming down for Easter this weekend (if I can pull the gas money out of my ass), why should anybody need to come up and see me again the next weekend? No point, really.

Everyone else has scores of people coming. Both banquets are going to be packed. But it's not the numbers of people showing up, either, really it's not. Yeah, most of my buddies, and my upperclassmen, are bringing three or five or even ten people, but that's cool by me. It's the fact that no one wants to come at all. Oh well. There's a reason I call this place home.

Update: I do have a date for the FDT banquet now. Tera said that she could get dressed up and slip away from her parents, who are driving from Austin and Albequerque, for a few hours on Friday night, so I'll have a date to the whole thing. Go me.

Side note: FDT rocked today. '07 hours left on the team.

illuminate me with your thoughts

T minus 10 hours

[Apr. 4th, 2004|04:58 pm]

[

mood

|

tired

]

Ten hours... ten hours and two weeks is all I have left of Fish Drill Team. It has been the single greatest hell I have ever put myself through, but reaping the rewards of it have been a blast.

Wow... ten hours and two weeks. We still have to beat 8th and I at their own game, but on our home turf. We'll see what happens.

On to last night: I talked with Sandra about 1800 about going out that night. She wanted some of my buddies and I to go out and do something. Well, my ol' lady was the only one who could go; everybody else had plans. Second thing was I'm broke. Seriously, I have somewhere around $40 to my name right now... and that's it. So I didn't want to be a burden to them. That, and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to spend the night with Tera.

So after making skeletal plans, I IMed Sandra back about me not going after all, saying that I had work to do with my Chem Lab Partner (which I did have... we just never got around to doing it). I actually did plan to get some work done, but oh well. Life goes on. She was pretty pissed, and probably won't talk to me for a while. Oh well. Life goes on.

So I got over to Tera's around 2015, and, as usual, was welcome with open arms. We talked about life in general, chilled on her couch, laughed a lot, waited for her cousin to drop off some playing cards, etc. We left around 2100 at her friend's house to start the night off.

I met Allisa, with her TMNT T-shirt that rocked the cazba (how the hell do you spell that word?); Krystal (no relation to my Angel), with her enormous tits and high shrill voice; Kelly, with her endless infatuation with Jason; Jason, the only other straight guy there; and Zach, Dan, and Andrew, who all thought I was cute. Yeah. More on that later. I forget what the name of the drinking game we played was called, but we played it for several hours. Cigarettes and philosophical conversations became the breaks in between the game. When the party started, at first, I was the only straight guy there, out of four guys. We were all cool about everyone liking the cock but me, and remembering something Hannah said long ago about the word Fag, I actually tried being polite about their queerness (yeah, it was a shock to my system, too), and when the topic of sexuality came up, I just said Homosexual. Zack turned right around, looked at me and laughed while he said "Just say fag." I laughed. Hard. Many jokes followed about the three of them being as straight as a circle, and them wanting to "turn Eric to the Dark Side". No amount of alcohol could convince me to not like pussy (and believe me, folks, we had a lot of alcohol). It's good to be me.

Tera thought about driving back to her place for the night so that... I don't know, she never really gave a reason. I shot that idea down quicker than she could say "but!". Drinking + Driving = Not Cool. Two of my buddies, Brown and Miller, got busted Friday night for that. I'm pretty sure they got a DWI and are sitting plenty of weekends for that little escapade.

Anyways, after all the alcohol we wanted in our systems was already down there, Tera and I got to talking at around 0400 this morning. I was wasted to the point where movement was barely an option, but memory and cognition still served me pretty well. Go me. The Corps came up, as it usually does with Tera, and my decision (er... indecision) to leave the Corps. My opinion still stands: I have nothing to offer to my buddies or to '08 that my other buddies couldn't cover. In most respects, I bring my class down, from grades to inspections to just plain getting people screwed by getting into trouble. This year was my free ride, my time to test things out, and see if this was for me. Next year, the free ride ends. The white belts will be able to smoke us pretty much indefinitely, punishments for screwups will be much more severe, and honestly... my buddies are good at what they do. I am not. I understand that, and I accept that. Normally, I'm pretty cocky/funny about whatever I do, if I'm actually good at it. I'm not good at this, and I don't know how to be. Tera wants me to stay in (and apparently a couple of my sophomores do, too) because she sees something that I do not. She believes that I can teach '08, '09, and '10 something that no one else can. I don't believe her. I'm all for leadership by esample, and I've been one of the worst examples of a fish all year. Yeah, I fell. Yeah, I got back up. But that's something that can't be taught. That's something that everyone has to find within themselves.

We ended up crashing at Alissa's place (i.e. not moving for a few hours), and then going back to Tera's place at around 0900 and lying in bed for the next three hours (she hates that I have so much boundless energy in the morning. Mwahahaha). That is, until I realized that I had FDT at 1330, and that I hadn't eaten anything all day. Just for the record, today's practice sucked. Dehydration and lack of food are a bad combination. I could barely do a class set of overhands. Turns out, it sucked for everyone else, too. It was just a bad day. Ten more hours. I just don't believe it.

Time to go study. But first, nap time!

illuminate me with your thoughts

Dyess rocked	[Apr. 3rd, 2004\|05:31 pm]
From B-1 government simulators to flight lines to control watch towers to... whatever else we did down there. Yeah, it was fun. Good to be back. Party time!
link	6 have shown me their light\|illuminate me with your thoughts

[Apr. 1st, 2004|08:39 am]

[

mood

|

crushed

]

*Looks around DeadJournal.com* What. The. Fuck?! Why does this look exactly like LiveJournal now? NOOOOOO!!! This is a load of crap!

5 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

Introductions

[Apr. 1st, 2004|12:48 am]

[

mood

|

content

]

We "met" four new whitebelts today on FDT:

T.J. Felts
Mykal Tillis
Jim Wilson
Andrew Hietpas

Holy crap... I can't believe we have less than 16 days with those pots on our heads. And that counts weekends and all that good trash.

On a side note, this weekend should be fun. I leave in just over 24 hours to go to Dius Air Force Base, which is about 7 hours from here, to go tour it with 10 of my buddies from my Outfit, and 40-something from across the Wing. Should be a good experience.

Tera won't see me from just after class Thursday until somewhere around Sunday, because I'll be taking Meredith (from Fish Camp. Whoop!) to lunch tomorrow, and she's going to see Ludacris. $26 tickets. Not a bad price at all, but I couldn't see spending the money. Oh well. So I guess we'll see each other Sunday in Chemistry after my FDT/saber arch appearance at 1400. She'll live. Yeah, I have to be in three places at once at that time Sunday. Funfunfun!

Let's see, what else? I haven't talked to Krystal in quite a while for more than a few minutes. I haven't talked to Jenna in what seems like forever. I have talked to Hannah, but that's been... I can't even find the word to describe it, but it's a usual feeling now. I haven't called my family in about a week, but that's typical, and I'm sure that there are lots of people that I haven't talked to in a good long while, but I can never remember who they are.

Oh yeah, and today was another good day. Tomorrow's looking to be pretty decent, too.

1 comment|illuminate me with your thoughts

Moronic Drama

[Mar. 30th, 2004|03:11 pm]

[

mood

|

annoyed

]

It's been strange, since Spring Break, no has has really said anything about wanting me out. The hardest times are over, and the storms have all subsided for me. I may just standing in the eye of the hurricane that will come this fall, but until then, I rather enjoy my ignorant bliss.

It's not me everybody wants out now, it's Cook. He has been a child from day one, to say the least, and unlike most of us, has not changed since he got here, except where we, as an Outfit, have changed him.

As usual, Pawlik is the first to judge anyone, but he jumped on Gabler's bandwagon. Here's the flurry of e-mails.

From Gabler to the '07 Falcons:

"ok cook, i just want to get a few things clear. im sending this out on the listserv because im hoping people will second me on this. believe it or not
i do care about other people's feeling, including yours, even though i dont like you and i dont want you here. but please understand why we dont want
you here. its not because you wear goofy glasses, have big ears or watch anime porn all day. hey, whatever gets your jollies is your own business.
we dont want you here because you bag out all the time, you chop out constantly and you only care about yourself in everything you do not your buddies. finest example was when you updated your door sheet but you couldnt help out your ol' lady. or when you chopped out to the library while the rest of us (even our gimp buddies) sucked it up at guidon tryouts.

the list goes on.... i hope that the outfit brass you wear means nothing more to you than a piece of metal, but you sure as heack didnt put any effort and most importantly HEART OR INTEGRITY into earning it. note the integrity.

my point is that i dont want you to think we want you out of here because your different but just for the reasons i explained above. If Brown or bearden or any of our other buddies did the same things as you we want want them out too right? i hope i made my point, because i hate the feeling of rejection and not being accepted in a group of people. And i know
that is exactly what your going through right now with your buddies. and i know how it feels. but you only brought this on yourself so you cant blame anyone or us for being heartless people because we're not. WE're doing this for all the right reasons.

sincerely,
choco gotee [fish Gabler]"

From Pawlik to Cook:

"I want you out of the corps because i dont like you. and i dont care about your feelings either.

other than that, wes is right.

and all of you people trying to be humanitarians and saying "yall leave [him] alone, your not solving anything by bithcing at him." Thats funny because
when [he] isnt around, i hear you all saying the EXACT same things about him.

it is apparent that you are too immature to be in the corps academically and you are too immature to handle the responsibility. You are too selfish and no one here appreciates that. if your just here for a
free ride, then you got it. and its about to end after this semester when you go home to all of your family and your anime geek friends and say "i was
in the corps, but i didnt do anything and everyone hated me cause im a selfish little kid and i got kicked out of school with a .6. Junior college,
here i come!" we've tried helping you. but you wont help yourself. so i say good riddance and i cant wait until the fall when i come back and i dont see your
name on the outfit roster.

Now, I more or less skimmed through the e-mail, and didn't really pick up the name

"tell '08 that there is no such thing as a Mr. Cook"

richard"

So then Cook, in his infinite wisdom, popped back with this:

"Okay, Shitsmear,

So I like models and watch anime; what say we stick with things relevant to the discussion. As for responsibility, what the fuck I don't have any?

Integrity: I screwed my reputation in that epartment, and went back and admitted it, so now if it's even possible I have to earn my buddies trust again. As for PT, bullshit, I'm more than squared away compared to half of the outfit and can more than handle you. As for the excuses, when I've got a valid one, I give it; when I don't I don't give one, and I don't make
excuse after excuse trying to cover up a bullshit one with another.

The times I missed out with the one exception were valid, asshole, except I chopped out with my SB pass, and I already said me and strongin talked on
this subject. As for grades, my conduct at the begining was poor and I > missed a few things for a valid reason; you can ask Schultz, Townson, Peffer, or Blando. Here's an idea: come talk to me in person and we'll resolve this like civil people of reasoning rather than do this childish namecalling crap. I'm ready whenever you are; til then don't call, don't
write.

PS-I'm no coward and I'll prove myself to you and anyone else who questions me;

BRING IT ON.

Cook"

Obviously, this was about as bright as pissing on a gorilla (even though I see Pawlik as about as dangerous as a deflated condom), since that was suppossed to be just to Pawlik, before the Dick forwarded it to the listserve. I felt that it was my time to step in. This one was only to Cook himself, though:

"Cook,

What I am about to say, I say this with all sincerity and with no harsh judgement. Almost everything I am about to say to you, I have said and I continue to say to myself, so that I can become a better man.

We all screw up; we all pay for our mistakes; we all move on. I have made plenty myself this past year, you all have paid for some of them, and I have paid for (almost) all of them. I truly believe that I am a better person because of it. That being said, when someone attacks me on the wrong that I have done, I try to respond back like an adult, or just take it and let it roll off my back. If you are going to respond to Pawlik or Burnham or anybody else when they send "hate e-mail" out to the listserve, do it like an adult. Don't use profanity, even if they do, don't call them any names except their own, even if they do, and don't point out their mistakes, even if they point out yours.

In other words, be the better man. Be mature about all of it. And most importantly, and I mean most importantly, do not ever, ever, think that you are better than any of us, at anything that you do. You are a fish; you are our equal. When (if) you become a whitebelt, then you can distinguish yourself as an individual. Until then, you need to be modest and humble. Do not forget that. Ever. That one mindset, that one paradigm, has gotten me in more trouble than almost anything else I have done this year. I have lost it, and I have become better because of it. I strongly urge you to do the same. Do not challenge another buddy to "Bring It On", that only breeds more hate towards yourself from others. Do not defend yourself with words, especially to a buddy; do it with actions and actions alone.

I honestly do not care whether or not you quit. I would hate to lose another Falcon, but this is your decision, and I leave it up to you.

That being said, you are still a buddy till the day you punch. If you need help, ask for it, and I will see what I can do. You violated my (all of '07's) trust by chopping out of Guidon tryouts and lying to Pawlik (to his face), but you owned up to your mistake, and like every other mistake in the Corps, just don't do it ever again, and you should be all right. If you fly straight from here on out, get your life together, and quit letting people like Pawlik get inside your head, I have full faith that you can become a better person and a good Falcon. I'm not shoving sunshine up your rear; I'm being honest. I know it may sound like I speak hypocritically, but I'm here to better myself, too, and, like I said, I'm just being honest with you. Take that for what it's worth.

I'm sending this just to you, but if you want to redistribute it like all of the other "private" e-mails are being lately, be my guest. This is your life, Cook, live it. But also remember that every one of your actions affects at least 25 other people, and at most all Falcons, and dare I say, all Aggies everywhere.

-Cimrhanzel '07"

This is absolutely moronic, us fighting like this. People screw up, and then hopefully learn from their mistakes. I made a whole lot of mistakes this year, and as such, I learned a lot. We don't need a weaker class. If people can change, then let them. If they cannot... well, I had all of fish year to do so, and for the most part, I have. If I can do it, anyone can.

illuminate me with your thoughts

Surprise after surprise

[Mar. 29th, 2004|11:14 am]

[

mood

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content

]

Got almost '07 hours of sleep last night. That rocked. Woke up to quite a shocker this morning, though. And it wasn't even 0600 yet. I wanted to write back, but First Call, well, called. Then I got my second shocker of the morning. We had a fish run this morning with only Rowan and a couple of juniors. That wasn't the shocking part. The "Holy Freakin' Crap!" part was when Rowan called Burnham to get up to the front of the run with him, and then to run beside him. He then handed off the Guidon.

Let me repeat that: He handed off the Guidon. No one outside the Corps will have any clue about the signifance of that, but let me state it one last time, for my own sanity. He handed off the Guidon.

Then, every single fish in that run got to carry the stick. When I grabbed it from Golden, the stick actually felt... light. There was no pain, there was no thought. There was only the run. PT has been good for the past several days. Side note: Only three weeks left of FDT. Damn. Anyways...

After that, Moser, Adam, Glasscock, and Klare were picked as the Final Four Guidon Candidates. Moser sat with it at chow, and now Glasscock has it in his possession.

I stayed awake in both History and Psychology (first time for everything, I suppose), and in Psyc, I got my third shock of the day from Mari, who said this out of the blue.

Random quote of the day (with my smartassed comments):

"Eric, you may pretend to be an asshole, sometimes act like an asshole, maybe even be an asshole, (I try) sometimes, but the fact is you're a very sweet and loving guy (who you tryin' to fool?). You treat a girl like gold (of course I do, I test them all in fire). You really do. You write love letters [and poetry] (I write, it's what I do), you talk for hours on end about anything at all ('cause it makes it easier for me to get laid). And even after you hurt them you always seem to be able to make them your friend (it's 'cause I still want to have sex with them. Duh!). The only problem I ever had with us was when you kissed other girls (yeah, that does tend to piss girls off, huh?)."

Of course I do, I test them all in fire.

illuminate me with your thoughts

That makes four days now...

[Mar. 28th, 2004|05:53 pm]

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These days just keep getting better and better.

Here's Saturday:

I woke up at about 0650 to go eat breakfast at Rumor's and get back in time for 0800's First Call to The Big Event. It's basically a huge campus-wide community service project, where over 8,000 students just go... well, do community service anywhere they can. Since we've had Junior Priveleges for the whole weekend, life's been pretty good. We just sort of walked out of our holes in Outfit T-shirt and jeans. Good stuff. Tera met me at Simpson Drill Field. Though she kind of got lost beforehand, we found each other all right. Then, I spent pretty much the rest of the day with her, along with my buddies for about the first half of it.

We got to some old black dude's house at about 1000, and proceeded to help clear out his shed, cut down some of his trees, and clear out some of his backyard. Tera and some of my buddies and I got charged with Shed Duty. That. Thing. Stank. Must and dust and the antiqueness of the place crept out of the woodwork. We took out urine-stained clothes, old chairs (that I got to break. Hehehe), and a door, along with a bunch of other things. About halfway through it, one of my pissheads, Townson, found a rat and nearly jumped out of his skin. Okay, maybe not out of his skin, but he jumped pretty damned high. He then proceeded to take two frying pans and... ever seen Attack Of The Clones, when Anakin grabs two lightsabers and just starts spinning and hacking away? Well that's what Townson looked like, only with joyful and giddy rage replacing graceful movements, and he was hitting rats. I took a picture of the terminated creature after he was done. There were four other rats found. Only one lived through the torment of my sophomore class. Sadistic sons of bitches, aren't they?

Anyways, we got done at 1200, two whole hours ahead of schedule. After we got back to campus, I got Cleere, Foster, and Golden to come with me to Sbisa to eat, where we met (who else?) Tera and had a fun lunch. She laughed at many of the "traditions" (aka crap) that we go through. Digression: For some reason, she really believes that I should stay in. End digression. Tera then took the five of us to Super Walmart in her car, since I had a few things to pick up and my buddies just wanted something to do. So we went and I kicked a ball and broke a soap dish. I offered to pay for it, but the lady working there said not to worry about it.

After we left Wal-Mart, I was starting to crash, so Tera dropped my buddies off at the dorm, and off to her apartment we went! We saw/played with/fed her cousin's dog, since he was out of town, and then got back to her place and watched Bad Company. Well, she watched most of it; I took a nap. The whole night, we never did anything more than kiss (honestly!), but we still teased and joked with each other a whole lot. She made pizza for dinner and I had Oreos for dessert. Right at 2100, I knocked out. I vaguely (read: I don't really) remember taking off my pants and my socks and having Tera crawl into bed beside me. I woke up a few times when we were wrapped around each other, but I slept pretty well, for the most part. Actually, I slept for 11 hours, a true rarity.

Sunday:

Woke up at 0800, and with all the energy a grown man with 11 hours of sleep has, promptly bugged the living hell out of Tera until she woke up, too. She dropped me off at the dorm around 1000, and then I chilled and ate lunch and didn't do anything productive until about 1455. That was First Call for the Bloody Cross, which is three miles around the Quad. It really wasn't bad at all. I mean, we had already done two miles on the same route (it's a looping route) with sticks over our heads, so it wasn't that bad. That, and the pace was S-L-O-W slow. I mean, just barely under 8-minute miles slow. At one point, one of my buddies started walking and kept pace; I was about to do the same. But we all finished in 23:09, a respectable time, and we jodied the whole way, which was pretty moti. And damn did I feel GOOD after that run! I'm still feeling good from it, actually.

And that's been about the last several days. Just feelin' good.

Life is REALLY GOOD STUFF!!!

illuminate me with your thoughts

Outfit Brass. Done.

[Mar. 26th, 2004|11:43 pm]

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Today was more than anything I ever expected it to be. For absolutely no reason at all at the beginning of the day, I was in the greatest mood, even just until we went through the final Gaunlet of Outfit Brass. It was just... amazing. There is really no other way to describe today. So here goes:

0330: Wake up to work on uniform.

0407: Actually get up out of bed to work on uniform.

0630: Fall out for Bravos inspection. I actually passed (this is a rarity).

0650: Formation. Nearly perfect, but not quite. We had a good chow, and our sophomores did nothing but compliment us (again, also a rarity).

0800: History 105. Talked with Sandra a bit, but not too much. I actually stayed awake and took notes for the entire class. (today was full of rare events)

0910: Psychology 107. Last class of the day, and as usual, I spoke up for most of it, and made a couple of jokes that really got the class (and the prof) rolling. Good stuff.

1030: Met Tera at the MSC for a tour of the Arts Gallery (I've never really been) yet another lunch date (our third this week, actually). Since they were opening some Spanish exhibit, we ended up going to the MSC Aggie Museum instead, which was pretty cool.

1115: Ate lunch in the 12th Man, where I continued to crack jokes on her and tease her (almost) to the point of insanity, but then I'd back off and laugh for a bit and change the topic, and we'd be back to normal (well, as normal as can be with the two of us).

1200: Showed her a couple of my private spots in the MSC, places where almost nobody ever goes, and stole a few kisses before running back to the Quad.

1245: Changed into non-regs, and left for Northgate to go tap my boots. Ran by the MSC to that little study spot I showed Tera. Caught her taking a nap, so I ran up to her silently, and leaned down to kiss her for a few minutes, just because. After that, I just smiled, said "Just wanted one of those. See ya!" and left. She later said that it was the absolute highlight of her day. Yay for me.

1430: Got back from Northgate, sat in my room, checked/read/wrote e-mail and looked at a few articles on Mixed Martial Arts (that is a sport I would love to be in one day). Then I jerked off to a 30-second orgasm, for no other reason than to clean the pipes in preparation for the fun time that was to occur in a few hours.

1515: Fell out in Bravos to go escort a bunch of girls to the President Gates' house.

1530: Having sat around in Lounge F uselessly, the "escorting" was finally suppossed to start. Well, Golden, Cook, and I all went to the Gates' Palace. Nobody there to escort = Nothing for us to do. The cadre left us to our own devices, neglecting to tell us that we needed to get back pretty quickly.

1548: Realizing that we only had twelve minutes to get back to the dorm and change into PT gear for the afternoon, I got my buddies back to where we needed to be. Thanks, Cadre. Wonderful job of taking care of your fish there.

1600: Fun Time. For about the next three hours, it was nothing but PT. We ran, we pushed, we got a speech about anything, from Bonfire to the University to the Corps to our buddies to our lives. Repeat that process ad nauseum (literally), substituting different excercises each time: Sit-ups, flutter kicks, inclined pushups, eight-count body builders, you name it. Lots of sweat. There was about as much rest as there was PT, though, so it really wasn't too bad. Hell Week on FDT was much, much worse. Actually, I think that FDT Hell Week will remain as the most physically painful four days of my entire life, unless I decide to go Airborne, which I can't do anyways.

Throughout these hours, through the pain of the pushing and the pushing through the pain, manymanymanymanymany thoughts came into my head. Especially about my decision to stay in the Corps or to leave next year. It fluctuated back and forth during our smoke session. We ended things with 91 pushups, followed by 16 diamonds, totaling 107 to end the day. I made my decision as soon as we got up and did an about face.

1845: Our juniors and sophomores had been running with us the whole time, throughout the entire session, but ever since the first session, when we left the Quad, they stayed behind. We found out why as soon as we turned around. There were our seniors, all '07 of them, dressed in full midnights with a little something in their pockets, something we had been working for all year, something that we as a class had just earned. They were giving us our Outfit Brass, and Junior Priveliges for the weekend.. It was one of the most tearful moments of my life as they explained what exactly the Brass itself meant, which was... (surprise) absolutely nothing. The point of the Brass was to work towards the one requirement we had the hardest time achieving: Unity. That, and the fact that we were finally members of the best Outfit in the Corps (at least, we are the best according to both the Commandents, and all high-level commanders. I guess we should believe them).

As all four Falcon classes huddled together, the seniors spoke of their pride not just in the Outfit, but their brotherly love for one another, and it was then that I realized that I had been missing the big picture all along when I had thought about quitting. I thought that because there was so much more that I wanted to do on (and off) campus, that I needed to quit the Corps to do that. I am also "an individual" in the Corps, which is always looked down upon as a fish, but looked up to as an upperclassmen. I also fail at most Corps games, but the biggest ones that I have failed at are already over now, and almost all of them will disappear as soon as I put on that pisshead uniform for the first time. I always thought of what I was (and will be) missing at Texas A&M by leaving the Corps, but I never thought about what I would miss if I quit. I would miss my buddies, and the classes of 2008, 2009, and 2010 would miss me. I wanted to teach others, right? Influence and better other people's lives, right? Well, what better way to teach than by training for one year and then truly leading, in my own style, for the next two? Then, in my (fifth) last year here, do whatever I want to do. I'll be 23 by that time, and fully able to do whatever I want to in life.

That, and I missed something else all year that I learned tonight. The Corps is only for four years. Four long, difficult years... but after four years of it, that will be the hardest part of my entire life, unless a truly loved one dies or I become thrust into a military combat zone (which, once again, will most likely never happen). That, and I walk out with my Outfit Brass, which has my initials engraved on it and the date that I received it (today), my Aggie Ring, and a pair of Aggie boots. Now, the last part I really don't care about, but the other two I do, and one I have already earned.

If I can find the money for it, which I'm sure I will, I see no reason to leave the Corps. It will suck some days, and I will hate it others, but at the same time... there's just something about the heart of this place. I have a whole other family now to get to know, and I know that I will be there for them as they will be there for me.

From 2000 on... nothing important, we ate dinner with the Outfit at Rudy's, where we finally looked our white-belts in the eyes, and joked with them as if they were old friends, and then went to go see a movie.

All in all, though, it was just a wonderful day. Maybe one of the best I will ever have in the Corps.

2 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

Today was bad-fuckin'-ass

[Mar. 25th, 2004|09:46 pm]

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Yep, that about describes it. Woke up at 0520, got ready for FDT. Did an hour of that. Ate a late, but a really good, breakfast (well, good for Duncan, anyways). Got an hour of red card in. Went to Chemistry, and I didn't fall asleep once!

Had lunch with Tera, of course. We're meeting for lucnh and an MSC Arts Gallery Tour tomorrow. It's so funny how we keep progressing, and also how I am the ONLY guy she "chases back", even though I always appear to be completely uninterested in her, just to throw her off guard. There are so many guys chasing her that she's sick of it, and then she comes back to me for hugs and kisses and lunches, even though I do nothing to her but verbally torment her and remain completely honest with her about anything and everything. She blew off a date with some guy named Kevin today (yet another guy who really likes her, kind of like Pisshead Adams... hahahahaha haha ha) to go eat lunch with me. Sure, I sat back and made fun of her most of the time, but she was always smiling when said things like "Why do I eat lunch with you?" (Me: "Because I intrigue you, and Wuss-Boy... I mean Kevin and whoever else, doesn't.")

Got back and did the rest of my red card, totaling nine hours in three days. It's amazing how much you can do with "so little time". E-mailed Cook about violating Article V (okay, that was unpleasant). Went to Aerospank, which was "eh, whatever. It's class", as always.

AND THEN: The highlight of the day. Got back here, got dressed in my beautiful Midnights, and went out to perform. We, the sixteen man block, plus Mr. Marin who had to command it because Geyer was taking a test, drilled a 3 minute routine in front of a bunch.

After we got back, I got to perform on my own to a bunch of Spend the Night With the Corps high school kiddies. My personal performance was pretty good, but it looked bad after I was finished because I ran out of breath during the Report-In and it took me a second to catch my breath. I also made two minor mistakes, but I'm pretty sure that I was only one of three people in the entire room who noticed, and the two Hounds didn't say anything afterwards. I gave a little five-minute speech, along with a Q&A period where some moron asked "Can I spin your weapon?" I wanted to take Melissa (that was my rifle's name tonight), and smash his little skull in with it, but I amicably replied "Wait until you join the team, then we'll see." Marin and Villalba (the two Hounds with me) basically said that they would do everything in their power to smoke the living shit out of him next year if he ever set foot on a drill deck. I concurred.

Got back to the dorm, went to Guidon Tryouts for a bit (about a good 20 minutes of solid PT), and then hit the bag.

All in all, it was a good day.

Random Quote of the Day: "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong."

illuminate me with your thoughts

[Mar. 25th, 2004|07:58 am]

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Cook!? Cook! You lyin' sack of... ARRGGG. I don't believe it. How can you flat out LIE to your buddies... not JUST the upperclass, but your BUDDIES?! I don't understand it; I seriously don't. Even when you were caught, you still lied through your teeth. Not only did you lie, you chopped out. All we're asking for, all they're asking for, is 30 minutes of pain, not even. A mile with a stick over your head. Is that really so much to ask? Studying?! Horseshit! If you had gotten your stuff during the day like you should have, you would have found the time (like I did) to study, and then get out there for half an hour.

It's not just anger, it's disappointment that courses through me. I just can't believe it.

illuminate me with your thoughts

[Mar. 22nd, 2004|02:36 pm]

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"Its been confirmed. GVA says that all outfit brass related activities must be done by friday, That includes the whole corps." -Brown

Whoop! One more week of hell. Actually, it's more like five days now. Not even. Good stuff! The worst part of fish year will be over in five freakin' days.

...And now I'm rethinking my decision to punch. I'll figure it out someday.

6 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

Interesting Personality Quiz Of The Day

[Mar. 22nd, 2004|12:52 am]

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Eric, you have an Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiver (ENFP) personality commonly referred to as “The Social Philosopher”.

ENFP General

You believe life is abundant, love is plentiful, and creativity is always within your grasp. If God combined the bouncing energy of a cocker spaniel with the enthusiasm of a couple on their honeymoon, God would still be only halfway to duplicating your insatiable zest for life.

ENFP when in love

“Puppy love” is a good term for describing your take on romance: fun, frisky, playful, cuddly, and young at heart. No matter what your age or how many times your heart has been broken, you are an eternal optimist when it comes to love. You are not someone who proceeds cautiously when you meet someone you find attractive. You are likely to fall passionately in love-or at least lust- quickly, spontaneously, and with total abandon. Holding something back for later is a concept you can’t quite grasp, especially when it comes to the joy of creating a new and exciting relationship. Yes, COMMITMENT can scare you. That one word may explain why you are still single at thirty, forty, fifty, or beyond. But you love, absolutely love, the concept of intimacy, sharing, and relationships. If only you could find that special one, you would be set for life.

ENFP where to meet

Where can you meet a Social Philosopher? Social Philosophers enjoy stimulating conversation and interesting people, and, like the Idealistic Philosopher and Mystic Writer, favor activities that revolve around psychology, philosophy, the arts, and helping others. Unlike Idealistic Philosophers and Mystic Writers, Social Philosophers seize every opportunity for social contact. They love the spotlight and are known to be excellent teachers and public speakers. Social Philosophers also routinely attend art gallery openings, wine tastings, fund-raisers, concerts, lectures, and plays. They may also be members of The Single Gourmet-a dining club for singles with sophisticated tastes.

illuminate me with your thoughts

[Mar. 18th, 2004|11:29 pm]

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I officially have a LiveJournal account...

go me.

Something else of interest:

Conservative

Where do you fall on the liberal - conservative political spectrum? (United States)
brought to you by Quizilla

3 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

So I wasn't dreaming then, was I?

[Mar. 16th, 2004|04:04 pm]

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confused

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Good news: I did two things I know I want to do with my life today. Read/reviewed a well-written (albiet shocking) piece of writing, and helped someone come to grips with a philosophical concept by arguing out all of the facts and forming a conclusion with them.

??? News: Tera loves me. She shocked me when she wrote "I love you!" as I helped her attain the epiphany to completing her philosophy paper, so naturally I tried one of my Cocky&Funny lines to kill the mood in case she was just joking: "Aw, how sweet. She only loves me after I do something nice for her. LOL" Boy, was I wrong: "no i only state it when you do something nice".

She really did say it that night in her car, then. I wasn't dreaming, after all.

Krystal, I hate it when you're right.

10 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

Blood... the strength of the bond of blood

[Mar. 16th, 2004|11:01 am]

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Wow, you know that $350 that I still owe A&M? Yeah, well that problem just kind of fixed itself. Wow. I'm still sort of in shock.

Background: I'm broke, everybody on Mom's side of the family is either broke or niggardly, and everybody on Dad's side is pretty much the same, except for Papa and Vera, who are sending me $200 a month (minus two months in the year = $2000 a year) for whatever I want/need.

So I went to Wells Fargo yesterday to see if I could pull off a loan like that (by the by, it's due March 24th, just over a week from now), and they said three things:

1. Minimum loan: $500. Not $350
2. Minimum interest: 30% WTF?!?!?! Can you say loan shark?
3. I have to be employed... well, that kind of nixes that, now don't it?

So I talked with Dad and Jiwon last night, and they said that they might be able to loan me the money, interest-free, but I would have to pay it back. Then a couple of minutes ago Papa and Nana called. They're sending me $500. Not $350 but $500. And it's a gift.

While that clears up the problem for the time being, questions about next semester are still ever-present. Will I have to take a semester off from school to go work for a while? Will I be able to get back into the swing of school if I do? How much more money in scholarships will I be able to get? And yes, Krystal, TAMUK is still a very real option for me. But I love Texas A&M, I love the campus, and (except for the Corps) I love the people. It's a place I want to see myself graduate from, and it's a place I hope I can.

Speaking of money, I need to go fill out that FAFSA.

I hope someday I'll actually be able to put my kids through college.

illuminate me with your thoughts

[Mar. 12th, 2004|12:56 am]

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I have a History Exam in less than 7 hours, and I'm not sure I'm ready... Oh well. Tonight was... lots of fun. I'll just leave it at that. Yet another First Time For Everything. Sandra, you badbad girl.

I got in contact with Mayaa today! She's suppossed to send me her updated copy of "Angels Without Wings" soon, as well as another novel she's written. Besides Stephen King's "The Dark Tower" series (which I have yet to read the fifth book to), "Angels" is one of my absolute favorite worlds and stories to get lost and enraptured in. It's marvelous. And to believe she's only my age. Of course, she goes to UNCO and is double majoring in French and Opera Singing. Go figure.

Tera keeps complementing me on my own writing. Of course, she loves the fact that she has found someone to proofread her own writing, and harshly critique the piece instead of the author. I keep trying to tell her that there is far greater talent than mine out there in the world (Hello! Hannah, Mayaa, several fp.net authors I haven't taken the time to get to know), but I know she finds something in my words that sometimes I do not find myself, so that's a Cool Feeling. We were joking last night about her not breaking out the champange too soon after I'm gone from her life for this little while, and she almost seemed hurt until I told her I was only joking. We agree so much on the main points of life, and our humors click so well. We should be pretty good friends for a while to come. I couldn't have found a better Chem lab partner.

Speaking of Chemistry, I submitted my CPR assignment due at 0030 with about '07 seconds left to go just before I started writing this. Damn. I'm. Good. Except for the fact that I have a 1.6 GPR right now, which really should be a solid 2.0, and will be a 3.0 before this semester gets out. I need to go talk with George so he doesn't think about pulling me off of FDT. That would suck.

What's also going to suck is talking with those Loans people next week, BUT I got $400 knocked off my tuition/fees statement because of my last Corps Scholarship, one that I completely forgot about! So now I only owe $350, and hopefully I'll knock off $50 more soon. That's only $300 to find! Good stuff, I say. God just blesses me more and more each day.

Bravos formation in less than 5 hours. I should get some sleep. Less than half a day till Spring Break, and then I get to go see: Mom, Dad, Aidan, Liam, Grandma(s), Jodi, Angie, Avy, Jennifer, the Ruhnkes, Cathy and Robert, Wells Fargo Loans People, and then go to Killeen and see Brandon, Tori, and Sabrina! Sabrina... *sigh* I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

It's almost mind-boggling all that has happened this one school year, and it's not over yet.

Sleepytime now.

Wow. Yeah. Wow.

[Mar. 7th, 2004|08:29 pm]

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Krystal. This weekend. *catches breath* Wow. Dance... Amazing... '07 O's. I didn't think I could do that to somebody. Yeah. Wow. 4 Exams this week. Need to study the hell. Will write more later.

69 days until Final Review. Spring Break in less than a week. WHOOP!!!

5 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

Compliment of the Day

[Mar. 4th, 2004|03:53 am]

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Tera, after reading "Innocence Lost": the story the writing the vividness. The skill. Who wrote it?
Eric: I did.
Tera: What! ... I am impressed beyond words. you really need to do more english. oh and write my papers ;) I loved that story. everyone has talents...something that they are just amazing at and love to do. yours is writing."

illuminate me with your thoughts

*running* Rock me, rock me, rock, rock steady! *Echo*

[Mar. 4th, 2004|01:05 am]

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Another day to live... Whoop!

Tera and I are doing well; Brina and I are not. Tera and I have fully established the "yes, we can get close physically (but not too close), and be nothing more than friends, since neither of us want to BE anything more than friends" state of our relationship. Sandra and I have established the "we're not going to be physical with each other since she wants a relationship whereas he doesn't; however, he will still hook her up with FDT and Corps Boy poon from his buddies" state of our relationship. Krystal and I have fully established the "We're seeing each other in two days!!!" state of our relationship. Jenna and I have established the "Holy Crap! When was the last time we found time to talk to each other?!" state of our relationship. And Brina and I? I don't know what state she and I are in, but that's what Spring Break is for.

On the matter of FDT: That. Performance. Rocked. We performed for about 5,000 people in a little theather with a small as hell stage. We impressed a lot of people (but neither our Hounds nor ourselves, of course. FDT knows what mistakes FDT makes. No one else does because we're That Damn Good), but that stage sucked, considering it was smaller than what we had practiced on by about ten feet in both directions. From a small drill box to an even smaller drill box... yeah, that wasn't fun. I angled an very first overhand wrong, and almost sliced my thumb off (literally). That's not the first time that's happened, but it is the first time it's happened during a practice run right before a performance, but I my drill was still flawless, if a little shaky. The thumb's still got dried blood on it. I should go change tha bandage...

Afterwards, we got free pizza from Double Dave's pizza because the owner of the place was Fish Drill Team Class of '91 (The Major that graded us in Tulane and wanted us to do the hump it after we swept Nationals was also FDT '91. Go figure). I knew that someone from Ol' Army FDT was paying for it, but I didn't realize that it was the manager of the place, until I asked him about a type of pizza and he said "I think your Hounds (otherwise known as sophomore advisors) already took it." No one who was or is not FDT would be able to speak like that so easily (in other words, it wasn't the fact that he knew what a Hound was, but the way he said it), so I asked him his class year, and while shaking his hand saw that solid gold Fightin' Texas Aggie Ring. That's why I love this school so much, because FDT or C.T. or B.Q., Corps or non-reg, Southside or Northside or Off-Campus Ag, when you're way far away from home (Aggieland), and you see an Ol' Ag (or any senior) with that ring, you feel something special. Whether they use phrases like "good bull" or "red-ass" or even "beat the hell out of (insert something bad here)", you just know that you have a connection with that person that you won't find anywhere else.

6 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

Red-ass, pissheads. Red-ass

[Mar. 4th, 2004|12:51 am]

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Soldier, Statemen, Knightly Gentleman:

"Corps cannot continue to force beliefs on others
By Jason Ford
Published: Wednesday, March 3, 2004

It seems that a few Aggies need an obvious lesson in social poise: Not everyone shares the same belief.

As I was sitting on the bus Monday afternoon, three sophomore Corps members came to stand in front of me. Standing behind them was a series of girls, all of whom were standing and ignoring the open seats between two people.

One of these corps members asked me if I would mind standing up, and I replied, "Why?" He retorted with, "So the lady can sit down," referring to a girl standing nearby. I glanced at the girl, then at the open seats nearby, and calmly refused.

Another member of the Corps leaned over to tap my shoulder: "Did you hear what he said?" "Of course I did," I responded. He again questioned why I wouldn't stand up. I explained to him there were plenty of open seats around and that I didn't see the need, nor the reason, I should stand up simply because she was of the opposite sex. The third Corps boy then had the audacity to actually make a scene, yelling out in a loud voice for me to do the right thing.

The right thing?

I explained to him I believed differently and should not have to stand simply to meet their beliefs. Needless to say, the entire bus was staring at this point. Had the girl needed to sit (e.g. on crutches, sick, pregnant, etc.), I would have gladly given up my seat. However, gender alone is not a valid enough basis given the fact that a woman is no less fit to stand than a man, both physically and socially. And until these Corps members' beliefs become some sort of law, they need to learn to tolerate other beliefs."

*Later that day*

Commanders,

I am sure you have all read todays mail call. I
thought it is actually good for our image. We all know
what would happen to this place if it was not for us.
The writer of the mail call dug his own grave. We do
not need to respond to it and put ourselves at risk.
Please advise your cadets NOT to write back. He hung
himself, we do not need to beat this dead horse.

If any of y'all know what cadets were involved, please
let me know, I wouldn't mind giving them some merits.

Thanks
Justin Woods
Public Relations

1 comment|illuminate me with your thoughts

Hell friggin' yeah

[Mar. 3rd, 2004|10:17 am]

[

mood

|

Whoop

]

FDT performance in San Antonio tonight in front of 5,000 people, free pizza afterwards, AND a Bag-In tomorrow.

Gatti's Town tomorrow during Lead Lab.

(Possibly) Tour the Visual Arts Gallery, with Tera of course, for the first time since joining the Corps, on Friday.

Krystal in THREE DAYS!!!

Spring Break just over a week away.

How much better does life get?

illuminate me with your thoughts

	[Mar. 1st, 2004\|03:09 pm]
Because I didn't contact the KISD people in time, I had about $1,000 scholarship given away. FUCK... And I still have to find $750 in twenty-three days.
link	illuminate me with your thoughts

Yet another epiphany

[Feb. 27th, 2004|10:01 am]

[

mood

|

lethargic

]

I got it. I just realized why I don't want to stay in the Corps next semester. It's not just because I suck at playing the Corps games. Really, I know the rules, I just don't always know how to abide by them, and other times, I really don't want to. But anyways, it's not because of the upperclassmen, not because of the buddies who hate me, not because of the restricted lifestyle or crappy PT in the morning or Duncan chow or going to formation (by the by, I do not care for any of those things). It hit me when Tera wrote to me responding to "Warmth Of Faith", a poem I sent to her to read. What have I done in every other aspect of my life, every other activity in my life, that I am not doing here in the Corps of Cadets? Making a positive influence on someone else's life! From Aidan to Krystal to Tera to Brandon to 'Trice to Evangelina and Aveline to Amanda/Jackie/Lauren to Jenna to Brina to Tori to all of my old theater buddies and my old Scout buddies and my old St. Jerome buddies (and leaders) and my old JROTC buddies and subordinates and all of the people I'm forgetting because I'm writing so fast, I have always made some sort of positive influence somewhere. Always and without fail. And I don't do it here. The influence I have here is that of disunity and failure, of something gone wrong with an entire human being, and apparently I exude an air of cockiness and arrogance which, for the life of me, I do not see within myself. But whatever it is, it's not positive. However, outside of the Corps, and back in both of my hometowns and elsewhere across the States

I remember asking George (our First Sergeant) the other day about what I could do to not give off that air, what I could do to improve. You know what his answer was? "Cimrhanzel, you need a whole new self." That blew my mind that he said that. Why? Why should I get a whole new self? To conform to an organization which I have serious reservations as to whether or not I want to be a part of it? To be beaten down and battered and broken (spiritually, not physically), only to try and improve, and then be beaten down some more? To lose that heart of a child? To stop questioning everything around me, from the air I breathe to the stars I see? To be as serious and intense as I possibly can day in and day out in everything I do, only to burn myself out and have this Corps bring down other positive aspects of my life? To. Hell. With. That. Life is way to short for all of that crap.

All I want to be able to say is that I made it through this year. I don't care about making it through the Corps anymore. I need to find a better place to make a real difference in people's live, because I'm sure as anything not doing it here. All I have to do is survive the next 11 weeks, and one of those will be Spring Break. Thanks to everyone who has helped me thus far.

78 days left.

12 have shown me their light|illuminate me with your thoughts

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